So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
