ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My ass is underappreciated
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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