I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
