OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
