So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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