Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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