my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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