she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
