the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
