im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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