I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
