I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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