Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
