Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
