before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
