You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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