Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
