i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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