Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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