Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
