Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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