I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
