The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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