he shaved USA in his pubs
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
