That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
