Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
