Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
