i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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