I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
