Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
