he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
