Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
