you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
