We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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