Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
