We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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