I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
