so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
