I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
