Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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