If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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