Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
