So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm passing your future prison.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
sex in a hospital.. check
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
