Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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