Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
