I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
