I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
now i know why i became what i already was.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
