My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
