You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
