I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
