Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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