So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
