five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
