Someone shit on the floor
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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