She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
