went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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