I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
