he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
