I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
