"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize