You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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