why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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