Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
