I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
