I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
