I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
